I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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