yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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