I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
