just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
