Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
