I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize