Apparently you make a good broom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My penis needs a shock collar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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