Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
