where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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