My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
