Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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