Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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