Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
