just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
