If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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