i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize