you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
