We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize