I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
