cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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