How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
