We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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