FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize