Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
