Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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