i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize