If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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