Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
