Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
