6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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