i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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