I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize