Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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