I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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