The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
