summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
