I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
