At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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