Do you still have your period?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
