not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
