I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
