I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
