I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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