i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
