I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
