so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
