she looked like the before picture.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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