I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize