just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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