A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
