I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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