Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
