i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
