omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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