Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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