he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
