Will you blow on my dice?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
