Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
