My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
