Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
