Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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