Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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