we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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