i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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