Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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