Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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