i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
