Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
