I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
